Things I Learned From My Sisters

If you’re lucky in life you will be blessed with a sister. I have three older sisters, so I’ve gotten the benefit of their wisdom and life experiences handed down to me…along with their clothes.

Here are a few things I learned from them;

If your older sister is very curious but also afraid to try new things, let her talk you into doing them, even at your own physical peril. Because if you get hurt (you will get hurt) the guilt she will feel can be used to your advantage for decades.

If you have to share a candy bar or a cookie, one halves it and the other picks first. It’s the only way to ensure equal distribution.

Always roll your clothes like a beach towel when you’re packing your suitcase. They’ll wrinkle less.

If the back of your hair gets so tangled in knots that you give up trying to comb it, your older sister will say ‘what the hell happened to your hair?’ You will tell her the tangles started a couple of weeks ago and have become so bad you can’t comb it anymore. She will wash your hair and sit you down in front of her. She will painstakingly comb out all of those tangles for the next hour. While she does this, you can watch TV, drink lemonade and eat Cheetos.

Eat a good meal before you go out drinking. You need a good base.

Pay attention to the way a guy talks to and treats his mother. If he treats her like crap… you’re next.

When you borrow her clothes without asking, don’t go to the same bar as your sister. She will confront you on the dance floor.

If you catch your sister smoking cigarettes and she offers you one and you take it because even though you’re only nine you want your older sister to think you’re cool, she will then say ‘you can’t tell mom I was smoking now because you smoked too.’

If you’re a newlywed and discover one of your cabinets has been overcome with tiny black beetles, call your sister. She will come over and show you where they came from (old flour) and what to clean it with. She will show you that everything in there needs to be thrown out and how to clean it. You can watch her while she does this and never have to touch those disgusting bugs

When you bring your newborn home, make sure there’s noise in the house. Play music, talk on the phone, have people visit. If you turn your house into a tomb you will never be able to take that baby anywhere until he’s old enough to be done with naps.

If you find yourself facing unimaginable tragedy and you are unable to function, your sisters will come. They will take care of your kids, cook you food and let you talk and cry as long as you need to. They will buy you pretty things just to see you smile. They will carry you until you are strong enough to stand again.

When your parents get old and sick, you won’t carry the pain alone. Your sisters will be there with you, because they are the people as invested in their well being as you are.

When one of those parents die, you will not grieve alone. Your sisters will be by your side, hugging you and crying with you.

You will fight over and about stupid shit, but eventually you’ll get over it.

We can criticize, bitch and gossip about each other ONLY to each other. If an outsider does it we will mow you down.

I learned so many things from my sisters, but the one I’m most grateful for is;

if you have a sister, you have a friend for life.


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