I was at a party last summer; great friends, great liquor, great band. I was dancing and singing along, as I am wont to do, and a man I didn’t know grabbed my hand and started dancing with me. I fell right in and after dancing and spinning with him for about 45 seconds, he said very sternly, “Let ME lead.”

For a brief second I felt chastised, as I have heard this from men I’m dancing with many times over the years. Apparently there are rules to dancing, and rule #1 is the man leads and the woman follows.

But here’s the thing; I love to dance, and I’m good at it. I took years of dance lessons as a girl. I don’t need someone to lead me into the next move.

We danced for another minute or so and he said again, “Let ME lead,” a little louder and sterner.

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Once again the headlines tell us that another powerful man has spent decades sexually assaulting women. This story is so common that it is people’s shocked reaction that’s surprising.

Women are open targets and nobody wants to talk about how common this is for females on this planet.

The combination of being taught to be nice girls and to please others and not to get angry, combined with the refusal of others to acknowledge something this horrible is happening, makes the circumstances perfect for assault. Not to mention the fact that we are rarely believed and are put through such an embarrassing and shaming process it’s easier to keep our mouths shut and pretend it didn’t happen.

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