As I lay on the acupuncture table, needles sticking from several points in my body, I began to weep, because the insertion was painful. I believed in the healing powers of acupuncture, but I felt something deep within me ask if every desire to be healed, whole and at peace must involve pain.

Acupuncture is something I believe in; and in normal circumstances it is not painful. I had experienced it before and no pain was involved. But for some reason, this particular time it had involved a lot of pain, and I took it willingly, as I have always done with pain when it held the promise that I might finally find the elusive inner peace I’d been searching for all of my life.

But lying there on that table something in me snapped. It was as if my whole body said, ‘Enough!’ I have spent the better part of my adult life seeking answers to ease the pain in my body and soul, and I was willing to go to any lengths to find it. None of these avenues were necessarily bad, and many were beneficial. But it had been dawning on me in the past year that maybe all of this seeking and searching and willingness to inflict pain on myself was actually the root of the problem.

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“Terrible things are happening outside. At any time of night and day, poor helpless people are being dragged out of their homes…Families are torn apart, men women and children are separated. Children come home from school to find their parents have disappeared.” –Anne Frank

It’s becoming harder and harder to ignore your support of this ‘president’ and the actions of his administration.

You are the same people who post photos of people abusing animals and voice your outrage at their cruelty, yet you’re indifferent to the suffering of your fellow human beings. Children are all innocent, you get that, right? You also understand that the worst thing that can happen to a child is to lose a parent, correct? Regardless of whether or not their parents hold a certain piece of paper in their hands, these are still actual human beings we are talking about.

I love you. I have loved you my whole life and never wanted that to change. But I’m having to face the fact that it is changing. Not the love, because I don’t believe love can be turned on and off at will. But my feelings about you have changed. Knowing that there is something inside of you that is fine with the intentional traumatization and suffering of innocent children has made me look at you differently. To be honest, I hate that I now know this about you. But I can’t pretend I don’t know it.

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